On Washing Our Dog...

Note to self:

 When the dog smell reaches an embarrassing and completely unacceptable level,

read this blog BEFORE you get started.

Things I need to remember (but tend to forget) before I am up to my armpits in wet dog hair:

 - Wear a bathing suit.

 - There can never be too many towels.

 - 90 lbs is kinda a lot when needing to be hoisted into a bathtub and is met with much resistance 

 - Dog will become both obstinate and pathetic whilst being bathed.

 - It may be impossible to truly prepare oneself for the imminent 'shake.'

 - Water droplets scattered from the shake will reach unimaginable heights.

(Read: walls and mirror will not be spared.)

 - Even after the water and flopping and writhing has taken place on the bathroom tile, it can not be considered mopped.

 - and the bathtub...yep, that thing is going to need a massive scrubbing to be considered safe for human use.

 - Have an extension cord for the blow dryer.

 - My Conair ion Shine 1875 was not intended for this purpose.  It will not get the job done in an acceptable amount of time.

 - Dog turns into a major Diva (Divo??) when the blow dryer is used. (Loves. it.)

 - Even after the dog has been bathed...you will still wonder if he is really clean.

 - Strategically plan dog bath with enough time to bathe yourself afterwards...lest you have to interact with humans and completely overcompensate with body spray.

(this is his mad face.)

Dear Samson,
You were named this for a reason.  You are BIG. and you are HAIRY.  You are a great member of the family, but your smell is repulsive and offensive. Don't you smell yourself??

I hope you will forgive me for the terrible thoughts I have about you while I bathe you.  I really do love you.  Maybe the blow dry will re-endear me to you?? I'm the one that feeds you, remember??  You and me. 6:30 am and 4:00pm...every. day. On the dot.  That's me.

You may not be as clean as if we sent you to the Puppy Boutique...but you smell a whole heck of a lot better. Thank you for enduring the humiliation.

Love your person,
Sarah